Know The Signs, Help A Friend Or Loved One

Domestic violence does not discriminate. Young and old, rich and poor, and people of all races, religions can be victims. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, approximately twenty people per minute are abused by a partner—about ten million women and men annually. It is definitely one of the leading causes of death among women. Many abusive relationships go undetected for years.

LOOK FOR THE SIGNS:

1. Their partner insults them in the presence of others. (“Don’t eat fries, you are getting fat.”) 2. They seem constantly worried about angering their partner. (“I must get home. I can’t stay and talk or go out with you.”) 3. They make excuses for their partner’s behavior. (They make excuses or blame themselves.)

4. Their partner is extremely jealous or possessive. (Constantly texting or calling.) 5. They have unexplained marks or injuries.

(They lie about bruises like “I fell down the stairs or bumped into the wall.”) 6. They have stopped spending time with friends and family. It’s called isolation. Wanting to spend more time with the victim and telling a friend is no good for them. 7. They are depressed or anxious, or display changes in personality. Note behavior changes like becoming withdrawn or not as social as they were. They may change their appearance like how they dress or losing weight. 8. They are often absent from work, school or social occasions without a clear reason.

HOW TO HELP:

1. Make sure it’s safe to talk. Choose a time and place that is safe and confidential. You may say,” Is everything okay?”

2. Listen carefully and show you care. Avoid minimizing the abuse or blaming them. 3. Do not label their experience. Keep from using the word “abuse.” Instead, mirror their language. 4. Let them know you support them. Encourage them to talk to friends, family a support group or hotline. There are victim advocates out there that can help. 5. Offer help but avoid telling them what to do like pressuring them to leave. Respect their choices. Refer them to resources. 6. Keep them safe. Come up with a code word.

If the person is in danger, have them text you something like, “We are having CORN for dinner tonight.” You can then call for help or carry out a safety plan without alerting the abuser. 7. Support yourself. This can be a lot for you to carry. There are resources available for you. Some victims do not realize they are being abused. The may rationalize their partner’s behavior or fear the risks to disclosing the abuse. Others may not want to see their partner go to jail or face other punishments. Should you, as a friend, notice the signs, you can provide support.

It will be obvious to you that the victim should leave the relationship. Unfortunately, they may not be willing to leave or get help. Proceed with caution and show your support without shaming or guilting them for their choices.

Let them know they can talk to a LaSalle Parish Sheriff’s Victim Advocate (318-992-0267) or call one of these helplines: National Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800799-7233 National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-6564673 LPSO Victim Advocate: 318-992-2067 Central Louisiana Family Justice Center: 318-448-0884