My Perspective
Growing up, my parents required my siblings and myself to use certain titles when addressing adults. The use of said titles wasn’t optional, it was required, and grew into our speech patterns as naturally as “Yes, mam” and “Yes, sir”. In fact, anybody and everybody from the Boomer generation in our neck of the woods were raised to do so, and if you failed to execute, you got a good smack or an imposing look as a reminder to practice good manners or you were going to get ‘smacked’ later. (I don’t mean a kiss on the cheek.)
I felt compelled to carry on the tradition with my own sons, duly educating them on the importance of respect for their elders and the inclusion of titles which denote position, relation, and good teaching or parenting. For example, they were taught, as I was, to call their relatives “Aunt, Uncle, Mamaw, Papaw, etc.”, ministers and their wives and church members “Brother and/ or Sister”, and community adults “Mr. and Mrs.”, and so on. I found it came as naturally to them as it did to my generation, and looking back, I don’t regret one speck of teaching or practice they received. None of us, I’m quite certain, haven’t fallen off of the bandwagon, but the teaching has always been there.
Incidentally, one of them recently shared a fond memory of reinforcement of the values I was attempting to instill in them. He remembered an incident from his adolescence wherein the family was approached by an older gentleman and he, my son, made the error or disrespectfully calling him, the older gentlemen, by his first name. He shared that once the elder moved on, I turned to him in my best mama voice and said with intensity and conviction, “If you ever embarrass me again like that, I will slap your teeth down your throat.” (Forgive me, dear readers, I never recall slapping his face must less his teeth, but it must have produced the desired outcome as he never repeated the disrespectful behavior.)
I use, cherish, and appreciate titles that are meaningful, affectionate, or just downright respectful. In fact, I can deduce in mere seconds the relationship I have with someone by the use or lack of use of titles they inject into our conversations. If I have taught him or her, if the conversationalists are one of my former student’s parents, or if they worked with me as a co-worker when I was a principal in the school system, he or she always calls me “Mrs. Mayo”. Those who are associ-ated with me through church or ministry use the phrases “Sister Deborah” or “Sister Mayo”. Respectful people in their thirties and forties usually call me “Mrs. Deborah”, because of my age, my fifteen gray hairs, and my more than fifteen facial lifelines (or wrinkles, as affectionately called). I still use ‘Mr.” and “Mrs.” when addressing my elders – yes, I’m not so aged that I don’t have elders. My grandsons call me “Mamaw”, and my sons call me “Mama” which informs the world around us of our relationship, and should they attempt to otherwise, we would have a problem.
As I have gracefully aged and matured in my years, I have noticed a tendency to veer away from such cultural morays and manners, and to be honest – if I dare, I think it’s a shame. In fact, a downright shame. Respect is one of the boundaries in our society that has made us what we are and the erosion of such will never produce a healthy culture. While we struggle to accept and submit to authority in our lives, our ability to do so is teaching the next generation that most boundaries are there for protection and evolved from the wisdom of wise elders – and maybe a few ‘smacks’ in the mouth.
What’s in a title? R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that’s what! Respect is healthy. It’s doable. It’s worth the effort it takes to give it to others. After all, it’s the small things that constitute life and respect is a ‘small’ thing goes a long way. Show a little to others and see what happens – can I get a “yes mam”?
