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Columns/Opinions
By Dr. James L. Snyder Contributing Writer on January 24, 2024
I’m Not Diabetic, But I am a Sweet Guy

Lately, I’ve been very tired. Which has nothing at all to do with my age. Rather, it has everything to do with all these spam calls I get every day.

It seems most spam calls come during lunchtime when I’m eating. How dare they?

I would get calls daily telling me that my car warranty had expired and that I could remedy that situation by signing up with their warranty program. They have everything I need, so they say. What I really need is an Apple Fritter. Nobody’s ever offered me that.

One thing they did not have was my fist in their nose. But that’s another story.

Then there are those Medicare calls wanting to upgrade my coverage at no cost to me.

One of the first things they want to know is my age.

I get so sick and tired of this that after a while I came up with my story.

“So, how old are you sir?” My response, “Well, I tell you, that is a difficult answer because every year my age changes, and I get confused, and I can’t keep up with my actual age.”

There’s a chuckle on the other end of the line and the person says, “So, when is your birthday?”

Again, my response is, “Well, my birthday is the day I celebrate being born.”

I sense a little frustration on the other line, and then they say, “Tell me what day your birthday is on.”

“Well, one year it’s on a Tuesday, and the next year it’s on a Thursday, and then it’s on a Saturday, and boy, I can’t keep up with it.”

Finally, I hear what I’ve been waiting for: a click from the other end of the line.

I’m often confused when someone calls me and wants me to tell them when they can deliver some medical equipment that will not cost me anything. It will be absolutely free.

One person asked for my Social Security number, so I gave him 123-45-6789. That has to be somebody’s security number, but it certainly isn’t mine.

Then the latest thing is that some spammer calls me and tells me that they are sending me some medical equipment to help me with my diabetes.

“So, sir,” the spammer said, “do you have diabetes?”

Why in the world do they call me thinking I have diabetes? Where are they getting that information? I know they haven’t talked to my doctor about it.

Then I had an idea. The next time a spammer called me and asked if I had diabetes, I said, “I’m not diabetic, but I am a sweet guy.”

After doing that several times, one person angrily said, “Are you hitting on me?”

“No,” I said, “but I sure would like to hit you.” There was a pause in those annoying calls and I had an opportunity to think about a Bible verse.

David said in Psalm 18:3, “I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.”

My thought was, no call from me could ever annoy God. He is waiting for me to call upon him. Whenever I call upon God, He is anxious to respond to my need. God doesn’t look on me as a spammer, but a claimer of His amazing grace.

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