Being the youngest of all my cousins and coming along later in my parents’ life, many of my first cousins were grown when I was born. One such is my cousin Connie. Connie’s parents were the aunt and uncle I would go spend much of my summers with. Therefore, I became close to all of Aunt Lois and Uncle Write’s kids.

Connie married Ted when I was a small child. Ted stands about six-foot six inches tall and has kept his head shaved for as long as I have known him. Through the years whenever the family would be together for whatever reason Ted, and I gravitated to each other. We would talk about many different things. Ted is a man of strong Christian faith and thus we would always end up talking about the Lord, the Church and religion.

Recently Connie’s brother died, and I was asked to preach his funeral. Naturally, this meant I would be seeing Ted. Lisa and I drove up to the church and as we were getting out of the car Ted came walking up bearing a gift.

For over 50 years Ted has been collecting one-liners, short statements and quotes that have meant a lot to him. He handed me eight typed pages of “Ted Zingers”. I want to share a few with you today.

“Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God.”

“The true image of the Lord’s Church, in the eyes of the world is not the buildings in which we meet, nor the advertising campaigns we conduct, but the personal lives of the people who make it up.”

“Humility’- Knowing God for who He is and knowing myself for who I am.”

“Hope of the Bible is not a wish but total confidence.”

“If we had more praise and worship, we would have less fear and worry.”

“Grace is the element that makes us different.”

“Grace is free but not cheap.”

“Gossiper – Not going to say anything else, I have already told you more than I have heard.”

“If it is not where it is supposed to be, it might be lost.”

“He is as phony as a sad looking undertaker at a $50,000 funeral.”

“Jesus was not crucified because He was religious, but because He was dangerous.”

“Let the Father run the Church and let the judge do the judging.”

“Our biggest problem with Theism is meism.”

“I will permit no man to narrow and defile my soul by making me hate him.” B.T. Washington.

“There is no wild beast as cruel as some Christians dealing with one another.”

“There are three conversions: the heart, the mind and the purse. Of these, the purse we find to be the most difficult.

“To give sacrificially, one must give up something, not just give something away.”

“Men like rivers are crooked because they both follow the course of least resistance.”

“God’s justice and mercy came together at the cross to triumph over evil.”

“The Devil will use religion to mislead you.”

“Don’t hang around on the porch of the house of sin if you don’t want to enter in.”

“Don’t tell your God how big your storm is, tell your storm how big your God is.”

Each morning as I am drinking my first cup of coffee, I take the eight pages of Ted’s “Zingers” and let God use them to speak to me. We must remember that often God uses different things to speak to us. I hope you have enjoyed Ted’s “Zingers”. And one last one:

“THE MAIN THING IS TO MAKE THE MAIN THING THE MAIN THING.”